See what it's like to look through my eyes

Mindless Rants

Lol My First Attempt Playing with the Virtual Dj Program.

Let it be known that it has been a while since I last have touched any dj equipment in the longest time. (10 years!) I would post the song up but I’m not sure what site would let me do it. (Not myspace. I don’t like that place.) And with wordpress, I need to buy a space upgrade… money is kind of tight at the moment. I could do it the fail way and shove it into a movie program, slap a picture on it and upload it to youtube. Then have it set to private and post the link. I’ll figure something out… if you really want to hear it just email me or send me a pm on where ever you found me from.

I really need to learn how to beat map and find a lot of samples and all that fun stuff… not sure if I really want to actually go back into this. But one thing for sure… it’s nice to play around with.

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My feet are killing me! T_T

I need to buy some dr. scholes or however you spell it.


Some mindless ranting…

So for some reason while I was listening to music. I started thinking about my past. Like what brought me to where I am today. And to be honest, if I could go back with the maturity and knowledge I have today, I think I would of changed a couple of things. I really wished that I would of stayed focused to school and not care about what my social life would be. Like I was at a constant worry about it to the point where I thought barely passing classes, and trying to get a girl. (Yes I was straight and confused about myself back then.) was considered cool. I want to say it’s because I saw my brother like that when we were younger and he was in everyone’s circle. Then my parents were noticing that my brother was being a bad influence on me. (And yes he was…lol) so they forced me to become a monk for god knows how many years. It was a good thing and a bad thing. The good thing was that my health was getting better, my asthma wasn’t as bad. Hell it’s barely even noticable today. Another good thing was that I was able to learn my culture, learn the myths and spirtual things. The bad was that I really didn’t want to be there. Mostly because there were rules that I didn’t want to follow. And other people who just got on my nerves and bullied me. Like I remember this one kid who would try to beat me up because I did something that annoyed him. After that I started learning swordsmenship and martial arts. I needed a way to at least defend myself. High School came around… wasn’t bullied or picked on; I was still near failing. (C’s and D’s..) It wasn’t because I didn’t understand it. It was because I thought it was cool still. My senior year, I was labeled as a stalker all because I came out to this one guy and apparently I drove by his house on the way to my cousins and he started spreading rumors about me. Once I got that diploma in my hands, I pretty much told myself not to deal with people at all. I didn’t want to deal with anyone from my class ever again. Hell, I didn’t even want to deal with anyone. So I pretty much started living for myself. I didn’t want to deal with my parents because I didn’t want to open up to them, I didn’t care for my friends expect for those that were really close to me. Other than that, I started living my life like “I’ll go on alone and will always be alone.” So I ended up becoming socialy akward and a loner. As life went on, I started to follow my heart and soon, I was able to express myself the way I wanted to. And because of that, I am where I am now. I have friends in different circles who do care for me in their own ways. Sometimes I don’t see it, but I think they do at least. If they didn’t, I don’t think I would be friends with them now. I even have a boyfriend who loves me for who I am, even though I know I’m not the best at a lot of things but I do give it my all. I think what Buddha said was true. You have to go out there and find your happiness. Like what makes you who you are today?

Yea I know it sounds like I’m crying out for attention by writing this but in all honesty; I just want to show everyone that you’re not alone in this world. Someone out there will love you for who you are.
Express yourself. Express your feelings. Do things that will make you happy. Who cares what people think of you. They’re just jelious and close-minded. If they label you and shun you out of their life, don’t care about it. There’s 6 billion other people in the world that might like you for who you are. If you’re going to change yourself, then do it for the right reason. Not for other people but for yourself. You can do anything if you put your mind to it.

To whoever reads this, all I ask is that you just spread the words of just “Expressing Yourself”. And thanks for actually reading this.


Got a Job! Got a Job! Got a Brand New Job!

After 9 months I finally get a job. There’s still hope in this world I guess. The fun and scary part is that it’s a new field that I’m not used to yet. I’m getting away form the customer service and going into cooking. I find it fun because it’s something new. It’s scary because I’m afraid I’m going to screw it up badly. As long as I’m confident, I should be fine right? Please don’t let Murphy law get me! I’m not going to post where mainly because of stalker issues. (Even though I know that I don’t have any, but it can happen though right?)  The only thing that I’m worried about is that I’m going to come home and I’m going to smell like food. It’s a good thing it’s not a super fast pace like a fast food joint. Oh man I’m really excited for this job.


New path… new theme

So recently I have been thinking maybe it’s time that I start trying to become more independent from my family. In other words, I need to let my wings spread out more. And no, I don’t think I’ll be moving out, since school is really close to home. So I thought to myself “Why not. Let’s change my theme on wordpress.” It’s like I wanna feel that new fresh start in life. Like restarting your pokemon journey in each version. So anyways…. right now I’m running the Modularity Lite theme and I actually like it. I mean I used to think that a one panel looked like crap. But after what I done with it. (Change my background, and changed my header) I really like it. I mean even if I wanted to keep my 2 panels, I think it would of still looked a lot better.  So props and kudos to the developer(s).

As for this new path of mine. I think I’m just going to start doing more things on my own. From learning how to cook, and putting myself back on the right track. I need to get up and find the answers myself. Nothing will come to me if I just sit there. I need to make a new journey in my life.


Really T-Mobile?

Why would they lock my account when I’m sitting here trying to pay my bill? I really need to get a job…


Simple and Clean

So I been playing the Kingdom Hearts series on the hardest difficulty. And it’s a massive pain. Especially when I get caught in a combo and I can’t get out of it. I just picked up Birth by Sleep, and I am actually liking the battle system on it. It’s a bit easier than the first installment but there is some drawbacks to it too. If you follow the storyline; it’s pretty much about the light and darkness. Positive and negative energies of the world and as well within each person. ect…. What’s funny is that I grew up learning about this and it really hit home for me. The Light and the Dark go hand in hand. It keeps the world at a balance. Having more on one side then the other will cause an imbalance and things will…. lets say rock the boat.

Anyways I chose the song Simple and Clean by Utada Hikaru because right now, it feels like I’m stuck at a stand still and everyone is moving on without me. I know I shouldn’t be thinking like this since I know that my friends and family will always welcome me with open arms. I also chose this song since it best represents my feelings right now with my partner. We’re two decades apart and we’re learning from each other. He’s telling me to stop and think about it, while I’m forcing him to walk on water to see what I see.

And thank you Birth by Sleep; You have made me want to write a novel about 3 guys who are in a love triangle between each other.